101 USES FOR A NONCUSTODIAL PARENT
(NEW CLIENT-HANDOUT PAMPHLET)

At a recent conference I bumped into Aaron Larson, a grad student in Family Life Education who has developed a short booklet with a long title: Dads at a Distance: Activities Handbook for Strengthening Long Distance Relationships. Although sharply illustrated, it is basically a brief listing of 110 things parents can do to cultivate a real relationship with children when they're divorced or separated, or during other absences such as overseas deployment or incarceration. Everything in the book is equally applicable to noncustodial or absent mothers, and Mr. Larson told me that there is also a version for them.

A few of the activities in the book are very serious ones, such as, "Ask your child what profession he or she wants to go into and then research that career with your child." But most of them are kind of silly or whimsical, such as making an exercise video called "Working Out with Dad" or sending the child a whole set of little envelopes with instructions to open one of them each day when the parent is absent. All of them require the parent to produce something that is a unique product of the parent's own personality and creative efforts, and they all involve the parent in what is actually going on in the child's life as the child experiences it.

Other suggestions: Chose a particular drink, food, candy bar, car, or shoe brand as the "official" brand for your family. Make up code names for all members of the family (but remember to be nice to your ex in this sensitive matter). Put your after-shave on the kid's teddy bear to mark it with your scent. Find a way to involve your child in some sort of community service along with you. Have the child write articles for a family newsletter.

I initially found these things kind of corny, but then when I thought of similar things that my parents did for me, like writing and illustrating homemade books that had my sister and I as characters or co-authors, or drawing little cartoons designed to help us with particular problems we were having with spelling or pronunciation, or my dad's valentine that showed great slavering hounds ripping a heart to shreds, I'm surprised to realize how important such things are to me, and how much emotion they evoke for some unknown reason.

Or look at it this way: If your client is the type who needs a pen pal, better it should be his kid than his lawyer.

To request a free sample and a bulk order price list, or or more details, contact Dads At A Distance at http://www.daads.com or director@daads.com.